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NFL Liquor Cabinet Week 16: Everybody is drunk

Written By Unknown on Tuesday, December 24, 2013 | 10:29 AM

For the entire NFL season, we will be breaking down the rest of the NFL not named Green Bay by looking at it like a liquor cabinet. Why did we choose this method? I like to booze and it makes things really easy to determine what's great, average and poor. 

I usually do not put a tag, but I really think I have no idea what's going to happen in the playoffs. Like we are heading for a 'Red Wedding' style playoffs where no one is safe. I cannot believe I said multiple times on Sunday, 'Philadelphia might be the best NFC team.'  Let's talk about it I guess and try to make sense of all that happened this week. 

TOP SHELF 
Talk me out of a New England-Philadelphia Super Bowl -  Here's where the NFL season has left me folks. These are the two best teams right now in both divisions. San Francisco is pretty good, but giving up 350 yards to Matt Ryan at home worries me a bit. Philadelphia seems to be cooking on all cylinders, and I feel like the Minnesota game is a blip on the radar. New England keeps winning games no matter who is lining up on both sides of the football. Tom Brady's statistics might not be great, but he's playing great this season for what's he's been given this year.

Cam Newton's big balls performance - While Robert Griffin III suffered all the criticism after he had a successful rookie season, Cam Newton received it during the draft process, his first season, second season and to think there are still losers whom still call him Scam. He led Carolina down the field late in the game trailing and notched a victory for the Panthers. I do not care if he only threw for 181 yards. That took massive testicular fortitude, and I am impressed with his season. Cam Newton is winning an MVP award before 2018.

Indianapolis leaves me uneasy like an STD - That might be a little too extreme, but I do not know what to make of the Colts. I am starting to think Indianapolis plays down to their opponents hence the reason why they have some brutal losses in juncture with impressive wins against Seattle, San Francisco, Denver and others. They will get a home game against this Kansas City team, but I also wonder if Andy Reid played a vanilla offense/defense showing nothing to Indianapolis which is very possible. We have seen this before with teams.

Cowboys come back and Romo gets hurt? - Dallas made a valiant comeback against Washington with Tony Romo leading a comeback to beat Washington and set up an NFC East showdown next Sunday. But they could be without Romo as he has a back injury. First, it was a herniated disk, then it was day-to-day injury and now it is back spasms. I have no idea what to think about this Dallas team although I will admit it would be the most Romo thing ever for Kyle Orton to lead Dallas to a playoff appearance.  

MIDDLE SHELF 
I feel legitimate bad for Arizona - As someone who cheers for an NFC North team, I feel bad Arizona might miss the playoffs with an 11-5 record. That would be insane. I mean the NFC West is an excellent division, but still it feels wrong in all sorts of ways for Arizona or New Orleans missing the playoffs although more so the Cardinals who have been playing great of late.

Peyton breaks the record, but how much meaning does it have? - I am really happy for Peyton Manning's season because it in large part won me 260 dollars so for that I thank him, but at the same time, passing records post the new NFL rules will be looked at like the steroid era numbers in baseball. All of these records being broken and re-broken by others in the last couples years is honestly pathetic, but it is not Peyton's fault for taking advantage.  

Somehow Andy Dalton is sixth in passing - See what I mean about what I just ranted about above?

Jeff Fisher is the king of .500 - I probably should not call him the king, but he is the prince of it. In eight of his 18 seasons of a full-time head coach, Fisher's teams have been either 7-9, 7-8-1 or 8-8. That's incredible. I do not know what that says about his teams or his coaching. Just find it interesting how it always seems to Ihappen with Fisher.

BOTTOM SHELF 
DETROIT..... Football :( - We were at Lambeau, and they showed the highlights of New York-Detroit... Right before they did it, my buddy Seth goes 'I bet Stafford threw a pick-six here.' and sure enough, he did throw that interception and sure enough, Detroit lost the football game.

Miami pulls a Dan Marino - For as long as I could remember, Dan Marino was famously known for choking in December football games on the road. He could not win in the cold to save his soul.  Apparently, this version of the Dolphins do the same thing as they were shutout by the Bills, the same team who gave up 33 points to Jacksonville. Thankfully, Miami has New York Jets at home.

I have no control in Week 17 - I absolutely hate how I have no idea how things will pan out next week. I am exhausted from this season.

Charlie.
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