Last week the NFL quietly admitted Bruno Mars is a terrible pick for the Super Bowl Halftime Show when they invited the Red Hot Chili Peppers to the gala. Bruno Mars is only the latest patronizing attempt to cater to the female demographic that doesn't normally tune in to the NFL on Sundays. The NFL stopped booking pop stars for the show after Justin Timberlake bared Janet Jackson's breast on national television. Following that incident, the NFL played it safe with a variety of classic rock artists. From Paul McCartney in 2005 to The Who in 2010, all the touring classics were brought in to put on a spectacle guaranteed to fuel a thousand water-cooler conversations. When it appeared there weren't any of these rock acts remaining, the NFL started seeking classic pop artists. Over the last three years, the NFL booked The Black Eyed Peas, Madonna and Beyonce. All three acts were safe bets to follow the rules and perform enough hits to hold viewers attention for 15 minutes.
As the Super Bowl becomes larger, it becomes even more important to tune in for fear of being left out of a week's worth of conversations. The more viewership rises, the more pressure the NFL feels to have a family friendly act. Even the past few years haven't been free of controversy with Bruce Springsteen crotch-sliding into infamy and M.I.A causing a scene when she flipped the bird. If Bruno Mars doesn't seem of the same caliber as the previous years, that is because he isn't; the NFL is just running out of "safe" options. Bruno Mars booking doesn't come with the shame of hiring a cotton candy pop headliner. If the NFL actually wanted non-NFL watching females, they would have booked Taylor Swift or Katy Perry or Lady Gaga. The NFL can pat itself on the back for broadcasting diversity and avoiding the headaches caused with inviting a rapper. Jay-Z seems like an obvious choice following Beyonce, but the NFL is still too traditional to go the hip-hop route. (Could you imagine Kanye with a chance to rant at the Super Bowl?!) Bruno Mars is safe because he has been everywhere the last few years. From SNL to the Grammys, Mars hasn't been too hard to find on television, but his history performing on-air allows the NFL to let go any anxieties about a bad performance.
On paper, Bruno Mars looks perfect to headline the halftime show. The NFL ran into a problem when they ignored the fact that their core target demographic is rock and roll loving, beer-drinking, middle class Americans. NFL acknowledged this when they added the Red Hot Chili Peppers to join Mars onstage. Red Hot Chili Peppers are an olive branch to the crowd of men and women who were turned off by Mars' booking. There don't seem to be many acts left that have both a must-see live show and commercial appeal. Of the alternative acts, Radiohead and Pearl Jam seem too marginal (and would presumably deny the spotlight). Of the heavy metal acts, Van Halen is a toss-up. While Eddie Van Halen's meth addiction might write them out of eligibility, this is the show that booked Keith Richards. The NFL would never dare to book someone with the heaviness of Black Sabbath or Metallica, although it would be well received. Of the newer acts, The Killers, Arcade Fire, Black Keys, Daft Punk and Mumford and Sons are far too unknown to hold down a stage this size. Coldplay won't get invited for the same reason an Adam Lambert-fronted Queen won't get invited (Thanks Paul Rudd).
There are still some some probable candidates and a Halftime show from Bon Jovi, Roger Waters, Elton John, Green Day or Foo Fighters wouldn't be too surprising. Yet every year that passes, I start to worry the most obvious band may have missed their chance. A band as synonymous with stadium rock as Queen and Gary Glitter. A band with the ability to get football haters to change the channel to the Halftime show. A band with a name big enough to appeal to a global audience. A band who would put on a spectacle capable of sparking plenty of conversations come Monday morning.
Angus Young comes to the front of the stage. The TV shows that aerial shot where the audience runs across the field to a stage constructed for Halftime. Every college attendee since 2000 would have at least five beers waiting for this moment. They start with "Thunderstruck". From there they segue into "Back in Black" and you can't help but play air guitar. By the time they go into "T.N.T." (could be "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap") people are chanting along to the "hey! hey! hey!"s. When the band goes into "You Shook Me All Night Long", you know even your mom is dancing somewhere. It doesn't seem like it can get any better and then they finish with an entire bar sing-along of "Highway To Hell". You could easily substitute these hits with countless others and it would have the same effect. This is my case for AC/DC to headline the Halftime show when the Green Bay Packers win the 2015 Super Bowl.
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